Friday, July 03, 2015

over-sharing highlights from one year ago

Tomorrow is July 4th, which means that one year ago we were in Barcelona for little sister K's wedding.
It was just this morning I finally "created" a virtual museum post on REALbubbler, so now, excited about the coincidence, I checked my little book and found that woah, indeed, on Day 6 of that trip, July 3rd, in the morning, among other things I'd hung out for hours at the Catalonia History Museum.  Yep, the one I lovingly nicknamed The Museo Nacionale de Fake Shit.  The one that inspired me more than anything else I saw in that town - I said, wow, these people make something out of nothing, every time, while losers make excuses.  You know how in developing (or non-developing) countries, it's always blah blah due to the issues of inadequate this and non-availability of that and low funding and lack of capital...  Now, these people made a museum with very few valuable artifacts; most of the exhibits were replicas or reproductions of the originals.  Kudos to the can-do, get-it-done spirit.  And I came back home and explored the idea of a virtual museum and found a few good examples.

If this was an anonymous blog, here would be more excitement.  (I'll try not to edit too much.)  It is incredible how much I saw and did in just seven days, I mean, I'm incredible, lol.  If I had a decent camera, I'd just photograph the short pages of my notes to show you.  Am I the only person left who doesn't carry a cracked-screen phone complete with video camera and Candy Crush?

Ok, here's the summary page at the end of my 10 pages of notes from the trip:
  You know I loved a boy.
  My father loved our date.
  The wedding was lovely.
  The croquette at the wedding reception.
  The kiss that sanctified air.

  I speak beginner to intermediate Spanish.  Better than I thought.  
  You can charge admission to a museum of fake shit.  Maybe even an online museum.

Wow, so much to explain all at once.  Where do I start?  No, I don't even remember what sanctifying air means, but it must have been really something :)  That was Day 3.  By Day 4, I'd been dumped but didn't know it until Day 5 or 6 when I'd been double or triple-dumped.  Day 7, in the final hours, I got my boy back yaaaay, isn't it wonderful when love wins?  We fled to his apartment for a quick chat during his 15-minute lunch break (work work work), the way we talked it technically didn't count [Clinton, 1998] because ehhn, time was short and he was Indian so I didn't see the point, but he was super happy and I was heart-happy and free to skip off to meet my peeps and duck into a bookstore and meet a gorgeous book guy that you already know and do lunch with my peeps and get to the airport.

I don't know what the croquettes were made of, but yum.  That was Day 1, the wedding.  Same day as checking out the local park, big lunch, grabbing something to wear because luggage gone.  Loool because my stylish sisters' luggage gone too, so they couldn't upstage the bride.  Wedding after-party and after-after-party, but I'm a human being after all, I was tired.

I'd actually got food-poisoning on Day 0 and emptied my whole gut in the plumbing at the connecting airport (practiced my Arabic with the cleaner lady who wanted baksheesh, oh dear, just like Nigeria) and hung out at night with the groom's crew from Bilbao right after, so I don't know where all the energy came from.  Guess when you don't have too much money lying about and someone gets you a trip to wherever - thanks mama - you get in there and rock the hell out of it :) 

Day 2, Sunday, I walked throughout Barcelona.  Discovering downtown is like what I was born to do.  In my notebook, I listed: Poblenou/Diagonal, past Torre Agbar and Glories Mall and Design museum, up by Sagrada Familia and Casa Mila (La Pedrera) and Casa Batlo and great buildings with steel balustrade on intricate facades, the shops, outdoor dining, and street musicians on Passeig del Gracia, El Corte Ingles to change money ( $ gift from uncle ) and retrieve my red scarf forgotten yesterday, and down La Rambla.  Don't forget Marilyn Monroe and the erotic museum. S wanted to see my chest, well, to determine my shirt size. Home by 11pm.

By Day 3 I was fit to work as a tour guide; fortunately, my father was willing to hang out with me, so I got to put my skill to use :)  I put my high-heels on thinking it would be some mild walking, then we took public transportation everywhere, but lots of hiking - the park near the hotel, the zoo - sea lion show yippee, then Parc Guell, food and the Nigeria-France world cup match, then Camp Nou closing time.  Then it was night and I sent papa to bed while I went to see flamenco and fall for a local (S from Day 2) and sanctify the air.

Day 5 my feet were finished, so I did nothing but rest and watch TV, but Day 4, I took a different cut across the town.  An hour or two with my mother and lovely sister but we split up because I'd already seen the mall a couple of times - love you very dearly but no more El Corte Ingles for me, so now I did Barri Gotic, a church, the ateliers, got lost and ended up in a sort of rough area and Parc de la Ciutadella, walked the marina still lost, rushed dinner, late to the opera, waited for loverboy who of course had made a point of going out to the W hotel without me because he's an evil Las Ramblas dude lol, so instead I talked to a drunk likely minor drug dealer dude who explained the ecology of Las Ramblas nightlife - the prostitutes, the Nigerians, the tough guys, the whole scam repeating night after night.  That day was the taxi union strike (against Uber) so I had to walk/bus home very late.  Was thinking to go off to Paris for Day 5 but no money, no feet...I let everybody else have the fun for a change :)

Day 6, July 3rd, I had money again and dad said I had to buy stuff so I complied during my walk down to the center of town.  Then as you know, I went to that national history museum.  I didn't mean to go there, I'd thought this was the famed Catalonia Art Museum, was so sure I was an expert in Barcelona, all I needed to do was walk past the marina and the beach.  So it was the wrong place, but it was the right place after all.
Afterwards I asked a local what I should do next because I'd already done everything, so I spent the afternoon at Laberinto d'Horta on the outskirts of town, then did some Gaudi (Casa Mila), went late to my sister's show at fashion week, hung out at this amazing musical instrument shop, and then as my little book has it "Unbelievable: ST stood me up again!  ...I waited 2 hrs.  Got drunk on half a glass of Sangria.  Couldn't eat my dinner."

Day 7: First, to hospital with K (sister) and mum.  Then to La Rambla to think, eat a perfect sorbet (my third - same flavour, same shop) and make up with my beautiful.  It worked.  ( fades...) Later, on the flight back, I was in dreamland because (...ok, this is too sappy...) 

Advertisement:  ###Three Sisters, my novel #1 here###

Luggage returned Day 2 or 3.
Reason number three that I didn't go to Paris on Day 5?  ST.  As in, heartbreak.  
I forgot about ST all these months :0

I was also going to write about the future of work - telecommuting (I'm about to try a full telecommute gig) and virtual workplaces (virtual reality, immersion in any place you choose).  Well, now I have.
What I would have seen at the other museum

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Dance Party - the Arab Megahits edition

Amr Diab's Habibi ya Nour El Ain

Nancy Ajram's Ah W Noss

Have there been any dance-y songs bigger?

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Give ###Three Sisters, my novel #1 here###

Monday, June 22, 2015

Understanding women

Last week in Nigeria gossip blogging was dominated by some circus about... - it's already this week so who even cares?
The same week, I finally watched the first Sex and the City movie and also encountered some circus elsewhere that got me thinking about women and their peculiar madness.
I want answers.
Here are some answers.

First let me get this off my chest: if you want to be beautiful in my book, starrrr, show me some inner beauty.  All that drag-queen bizness may get you tagged as 'stunning', yeah, like he's stunning too.

To the point.  Ahem.  Here are some answers.

A chic who wants to understand men can do worse than learn to code. Honest. If you're already clever or mathy, jump right in with Coursera/RiceUniversity 's Python course. If not, here's a baby version. (But women are already right, so they don't need to learn no crude, male behaviour.)

A dude who wants to understand women?
At first I thought there is no formula, but the three women I studied helped me see one thing: CHIC EGO HUGE, BUT their flavour of selfishness is all about how they appear, not the food-clothing-sex-shelter-money they tangibly get. Understand "face" and you understand women.  What is face?  Watch Asian movies, get a Japanese roommate, or read chic lit.  100 hours to change your life. 

You're welcome.

What else do you need to know to live a long and happy life?  I'll let grandpa tell you -

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Three Sisters, alternative cover images

At lunch yesterday, I was telling a group of my kids (former students) to get Three Sisters, and one of them (I'm pretty sure her name is Tope) said, oh, I think I've seen it about, then proceeded to describe this 2011 magazine cover.
Monalisa Okojie (front), me, Uneku Atawodi(top)

Hmm, ok, now that you bring it has three sisters like the novel.  Monalisa would have to be Mona since she's the oldest, Neku the young adventurer would be Koko, and me zuzu.

Early feedback from readers: people really love Koko, want more Koko.  My favourite is...I really shouldn't say.  MonaThe one that makes me cry.  And yes, TheRe WILL Be more Koko, maybe in an additional chapter, an epilogue, or maybe in novel #2 (she'll be in her twenties then.) 

Read my books. You know you wanna.
###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###  Click on the title then download. 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Lyrics: Democracy, by DaGrin

Corruption ti hit nation
Gbogbo wa la n live in desperation
Tori 'e n'mo se n drink medication
Fun protection against starvation pelu corruption
Tori generation yii, a need salvation
Through a strong constitution
Ninu studio, owo naa l'afi n book session
E joo e stop sensation
A need action ko n se prosecution
Free/Fair pelu alaafia ninu nation
E gbo nnkan ti mo fe so 
eleyii 'o nse body vibration

(Clear throat)
Nigeria ni mo ti ri t'olopa ma n toro bara
Nitori twenty naira won le fi ba e faa ya!
Agbero maa n f'agidi gba kala lowo driver
E'e ri nnkan kan se si, eyin ijoba e n kaalara
Gbogbo owo ti e ti gbe mi l'awon omo omo yin maa bi
E'e ri bi awon ara ilu se n pariwo: Ebi!
T'oba ri life ti talika n live ni Birnin Kebbi
Gbogbo yin patapata ni Olorun maa da l'ebi. 

A'a ran omo lo si school, ko ni si textbook
E de promise pe e maa fun wa ni free education
Ki l'on je bee? Owo nla ma l'a fi n s'admission.
E de ti ko gbogbo awon omo ti yin kuro ninu nation.

A ti igba ti mo ti n ko'rin, mi o ni money
E'e tie ki n soro rara nipa music industry
Economically, agidi l'a fi n ra bread
Ta lo so wipe President o ki n fine ninu telly?

E'e mo ju ki e so'ro petrol, pelu football
A ti igba ti a de ti n gba World Cup, a'a gba cup.
O ga o! Boya gan an l'atie gba second.
Awon yen naa, won a maa play ball bi alakan.

Graduate maa maa wa'se, gbogbo bata e a je,
a'a ye s'egbe, everywhere ko si employment,
Eni ti o ti n kole tele, ko le ra cement,
Increase ni rent, decrease ni salary payment.

Shey democracy leleyii abi crazy demo? 
Oluwa shaanu wa dakun ma ma je ka jego.
Ba'a laju awon ijoba ko to di quarter-to. 
Mo de pariwo titi fun yin 'pe kee ma dibo. 
Se democracy l'eleyi abi crazy demo? 
Oluwa s'aanu wa dakun ma ma je k'a je'go.
Ba wa laju awon ijoba ko to di quarter-to.
Mo de pariwo titi fun yin wipe k'e ma d'ibo. 

Awon eeyan n sise, won n gbe ninu ise,
Awon elo mii, nitori owo, won ti gb'ese.
Awon elomii n gb'owo ni ita, nitori won le ju ese,
Nigba to je awon ijoba gan an, won o p'ese ise.

Wo'a lo si university, wa se tan, waa gba pali,
Pelu pali re, wa tun maa wa'se ka kaakiri,
Gbogbo ibi ti o ba lo, won a ni kosi vacancies.
Gbogbo kini yen, o maa ma fun e ni headache.

Awon elomii n jale tori ko si ise ni igboro.
Economically, most obinrin ti di ashewo.
O ga o! Ko de 'n se ejo elomii ti e ba ro o.
Sugbon aso yellow ti di white, l'owo o lilo.

Ijoba, e wa na.  (clears throat).  E duro na. 
O ga o.  Eekan l'osu l'a ma n ni ina. 
O n happen all over Nigeria, pelu Kaduna,
Minna, gbogbo yin ti e ba ilu je l'e maa gb'ina. 

Aimoye titi ti o je'pe moto o le gba 'be.
Lo si under bridge l'Oshodi, gbogbo ibe ti baje.
Ti ojo ba ro, gbogbo ibe yen maa di kpenshen-kpenshen.
Ti o ba ya, a si maa gbe oko oju omi koja ni be. 

Gbogbo promise ti e make, iro l'o wa n' be
Sebi eyin naa, e ma n travel lo si Yankee. 
E'e ri bi titi won pelu economy won se ri?
Eyin kan n lo si be, e kan lo n se faaji!

Gbogbo nnkan l'awon ijoba yii fi ni wa l'ara.
Ko de ri bee nigba ti a koko gba ominira.
But nigba ti awon Big Bros ti take over,
Gbogbo owo wa patapata ni won fi n da agbada.

Nigeria, gbogbo wa l'a n fi ori f'aya
A t'omode a t'agbalaba, pelu t'oko t'aya,
Baba, mama, pelu awon omo mefa ma sun si inu yara
eyo kan.  Bawo ni won o se ni maa l'alakala? 

Chorus / Se democracy ...

Awon eeyan maa n ni Nigeria, Giant of Africa,
Lo wo bi economy won se better ni South Africa.
Ghana celebrate ten years ti won ti ni ina, ti won o tan atupa.
Ti tiyin e'e mo ju ki e s'oge, ki e tun wo agbada. 

Igba kan ni won maa n ko awon were l'oju titi,
awon were maa n rin kiri pelu awon eeyan gidi.
Ni isinyin, awon were, won o l'identity -
Local Government kan, o le pade were fifty. 
Ki lo de?  Awon olowo nikan lo n s'oge.
Awon omo yin, pelu awon iyawo nyin, won n gbe gele. 
E n gbe fila.  Democracy alagbada. 
O ga o.  Owo gbogbo wa l'e fin n yi ata. 

National ID Card, owo l'a fi n register. 
A o ri nnkan kan.  E da passport wa pada. 
E n waste time omode pelu agbalagba.
E se o.  E ranti 'pe Olorun wa.
Igba ti a gbo National ID Card, inu wa dun. 
Asee won n d'ogbon, won fe ki Oba wole. 
Oba ti wole, agidi l'a fi n san'wo ile.
School ma n strike, ohun yen, se iyen la fe pe ni holiday? 

E'e san owo awon osise, ranti pe awon naa l'omo n'le.
Awa l'a ni petrol, ki lo de ti petrol 'o flow?
E n gb'owo le e l'ojoojumo, ki lo se yin o? 
Ti Olorun ba binu, gbogbo yin ni petrol maa jo. 
Se democracy alagbada l'eleyii tabi shimi? 
E ranti 'pe most people l'o te'ka fun yin
A'a le ra Maclean(s), pako l'a maa fi n fo eyin
Ki lo se yin?  Eeyan sha l'awon Bill Clinton.

O'o le ji l'ojo kan, ki o so 'pe o fe je iyan.
Lai se ojo Sunday.  Garri nikan gan an ti won. 
Alagbara l'eni ti o ba ra rice De Rica kan.
O pay mi ki n kuro ni Nigeria, ki n sa lo si Abidjan. 

Chorus / Se democracy ...
Chorus / Se democracy ...

Advertisement: Read my books.
###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###
Rapper DaGrin died in April 22, 2010 at age 22, just months after the release of his massive hit album C.E.O. (Chief Executive Omo-ita).  I previously wrote about him here
Democracy is from one of his earlier projects, I believe.  I have it 
(along with Ndigbo/Ndi Igbo, If You No Fit Fly, Kekere, Bounce With Me, and many more experiments) 
on one of the bootleg CDs that was labelled brand new music and hawked in the streets mid-2010.  
Listen to Democracy here.
If you have details or corrections, put them in the comments.  Thanks.
I have also translated the lyrics in the comments.